Managing behaviors as a parent of a special needs child is super tough! I often feel like I’m playing whack-a-mole. Once we’ve successfully whacked one behavior another one pops up! 

It’s such an issue for so many parents I decided to do a three part blog series on behavior in our kids with Down Syndrome.

This is the last post in the series. If you missed the other two be sure to check them out. I’ll link to them at the bottom of this post. 

Hey Mama Bears, full disclosure here. There are affiliate links in this post so if you click on the link and buy the product I will earn a small commission. Now that we’re clear on that let’s get back to rocking life with special needs!

The truth is behavior management is hard work, especially when you want to do it right. While there is no easy fix there are things you can do to make it easier for you and your child. I like to call them behavior hacks. 

I’ve learned a lot working with behavior therapists, reading parenting books, and through my own experiences with my three very different children, one of whom has special needs. 

One of my absolute favorite books that helped me understand my child with Down Syndrome and his behaviors is Supporting Positive Behavior in Children and Teens With Down Syndrome. This book is life changing and a MUST HAVE for any parent of a child with Down Syndrome. It would also be super helpful to any teacher, paraprofessional, or therapist who works with children with Down Syndrome!

Get the book! It was a game changer for us!

Without further ado, here are my 15 best behavior hacks. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #1: Maintain Your Relationship

Cultivating a strong relationship with your child is probably one of the most important things you can do. Our expectations are this will occur naturally.  I mean, we love our children with all of our hearts. This should just happen right? 

Wrong. 

Healthy relationships take work. 

Taking the time to truly be present with your child will do wonders for your relationship. 

What does this mean? 

It means removing distractions such as your phone and other electronics. Yep, no phone for you or I-pad for them. Play with them, talk to them, and give them all of your attention for a period of time each and every day. 

When I’m running out of Mommy juice and I want to scroll my phone rather than engage with my child I remember an African proverb I came across. 

“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”

Dang!

It’s the kick in the butt I need to put the electronics down and engage with my kids each and every time. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #2: Reward Good Behavior

Rewarding good behavior increases the chances your child will do it again. It sounds super simple right? 

Yet, most of us give our child more attention when they’re doing something “bad” rather than when they’re doing something “good.”

A big social response to our children with Down Syndrome is very rewarding even if it’s negative. 

It’s best to reward good behavior right after it happens. This way our kids know exactly what they did that was awesome. Rewarding good behavior can come in many forms. 

Choosing how to reward your child depends on your child and where they are developmentally as well as the situation. 

Good Behavior Reward: Verbal Praise

Immediate verbal praise along with positive body language can be quite effective. If possible, be as specific as you can. Rather than a “Good job” say “I love how you put your shoes on when I asked you to.”

Good Behavior Reward: Reward Board

Reward boards aka token boards is a system that encourages desired behaviors with tokens. Kids are immediately given a token after a desired behavior and when enough tokens are earned they are rewarded with something of value to them. 

The number of tokens needed before a reward is given depends on the child. When first introducing a reward board I do recommend starting out with less tokens such as three. As your child finds success then increase the number of tokens needed before a reward is earned. 

The type of rewards earned also depends on your child. Rewards can be I-pad time, playing a game with Mom/Dad, reading a book with Mom/Dad, a special food treat such as goldfish or M&Ms, or a special toy.

Good Behavior Reward: Caught You Being Good Jar

What is a caught you being good jar? When you “catch” your child being good or making a good choice you put a marble into a container. When they fill the container up they receive a reward. 

We use a mason jar and glass stones. You can use pom poms or marbles or something else. Totally up to you!  

The caught you being good jar can be utilized for one child or all of your kids. We have one jar that we put glass stones in whenever we catch any of the kids being good or making a good choice. Once the jar is filled they decide on a reward together. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #3: Prepare Your Child

Whenever possible, prepare your child so they know what to expect. 

New things are scary for everyone and for your child with Down Syndrome there are certain challenges that make it even harder. Think back to the first post in this series where we learned about the brain differences in people with Down Syndrome.

Have a doctor’s appointment coming? 

Mark it on the calendar with them and start reading books at bedtime about going to the doctor’s office. Watch a Daniel Tiger or Cocomelan video about going to the doctor.

Social stories are great for preparing your child. Even better are social stories featuring your child. Whenever possible create a social story with pictures of them actually doing what they need to do or pictures of the actual place they will go. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #4: Keep A Routine

Routines are predictable and familiar. Predictable and familiar are not scary. In fact, routines can be quite comforting.

We know what is expected of us, it takes less “brain power” to think about what comes next, and we feel confident as we go through the tasks in our routine because we do them often. All of these things help your child feel confident and secure. 

Obviously every day can not be exactly the same. You can establish daily routines though that will help anchor your child. 

I’m a big advocate for morning and bedtime routines. A morning and bedtime routine will bookend your child’s day with something familiar and comforting.

The act of the routine itself will help prepare your child’s brain for what comes next and this can set them up for success whether that’s a good day at school or a good night's sleep. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #5: Be Consistent

Just as routines help your child so does consistency. When the kids were younger we had a list of rules that were displayed for everyone to see. The kids knew what was acceptable and what was not. When the rules were broken there was a consequence CONSISTENTLY

There were some days I did not want to enforce the rules because I was stick a fork in me done. I did enforce the rules though because I knew consistency is such a key factor when managing behaviors. You always have to think of the end game.

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #6: Give Your Child A Voice

When Max was a toddler he started biting and hitting in daycare. We were baffled. Typically Max was a happy kid who loved the kids in his room and his caregivers. A behavior specialist came in, observed Max, and told us he needed a way to have his voice heard.

In kids with Down Syndrome their receptive language (what they understand) is better than their expressive language (what they can say). Max was becoming frustrated because he wasn’t able to communicate with his friends and teachers what he wanted or needed. 

Imagine how frustrating it would be if you knew what you wanted to say but when you said it nobody understood what you were saying? I don’t know about you, but I’d get pretty darn frustrated! 

Working with the behavior specialist we taught Max how to use American Sign Language or ASL. Max’s friends in class also learned some signs as well as his teachers because while it was great Max was learning a way to effectively communicate if nobody else understood we were right back to square one. 

We noted a difference within a couple of weeks! 

Now, not everyone has to learn ASL. There are other options such as PECS which stands for picture exchange communication system, apps that can be placed on an I-pad or phone, as well as speech communication devices made specifically for this such as the NovaChat. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #7: Give Your Child Autonomy

Whenever possible give your child autonomy. Giving your child a certain amount of autonomy is great for their confidence and helps them develop independence. 

When choosing an outfit for the day, hold up two shirts and let them pick which one they would like to wear. If it’s snack time, give them the option to choose apple slices or orange slices. Encourage your child to do simple tasks they may be able to do on their own and resist the urge to correct them or “fix it.”

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #8: Pick Your Battles

I don’t love the term “picking your battles” because we’re not at war with our children. Remember one of the behavior hacks is maintaining a positive relationship with your child and I personally feel it’s one of the most important if not the most important.

We want a loving and positive relationship with our children but that doesn’t mean we let them do whatever they want when they want in order to avoid a “battle.”. We have to parent. 

So when I say we have to pick our battles what I really mean is we have to decide what limits are best for our child and implement these limits in a calm and loving manner even when your child doesn’t like it.  

We’re all works in progress so some days you may implement these limits better than others. 

At the same time, it’s ok to be flexible on some things.

For example, we have a rule that we eat at the dinner table as a family and there are no electronics. There are nights though when there’s something we really want to watch together so we “break” one of the rules and eat in the living room watching the show as a family. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #9: Meet Sensory Needs

Neurologic processing is universal. We take in information from our environment through our senses, organize it, and then respond to it. This is sensory integration. 

There are differences in people’s ability to process, organize, and respond to the information we get. 

Everyone has sensory needs. Some people are sensitive to some sensory input and others barely register it. Pay close attention to your child to learn their needs. You can also consider an evaluation by a trained professional such as an occupational specialist trained in sensory integration to determine your child’s sensory needs.  

Max is prone to sensory overwhelm. If it’s loud and chaotic (think indoor recess in a Kindergarten class) it’s extremely overwhelming for him. Places like Chuck E. Cheese were a nightmare for us when he was younger. 

For years we worked with an occupational therapist to address his sensory needs and slowly things improved. Even though things improved we still aim to meet his sensory needs whenever possible such as bringing headphones to loud events, sitting away from a crowd, and giving frequent breaks when possible. 

When giving directives we use clear and concise words. 

For example, if we’re in a crowded area and Max is starting to walk ahead of us I say “Max stop” rather than “Max you need to stop so we can walk with you.” 

He’s not going to process all that quickly enough especially with all of the other “sensory noise” going on around him. 

If your child is sensory seeking then offer safe ways for your child to get what they need. I’ve known some parents to put up swings in their basement for their sensory seekers as well as trampolines and crash pad mats. 

A child who is having their sensory needs met is going to be a calmer and more regulated child. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #10: Build In Down Time

In his book, Supporting Positive Behavior in Children and Teens with Down Syndrome, Dr Stein talks about the “gas tank” theory.

When we start out the day we have a certain amount of gas in our tank that allows us to do things. As we go about our day we use up that gas. Things that are harder for us use up more gas. 

Our loved ones with Down Syndrome work harder to do tasks others find easy so they use more gas. Therefore it’s super important to give our kids with Down Syndrome time to “fill up their gas tank.” 

Down time looks different for every child with Down Syndrome. For some it may actually mean they take a nap, for others it may mean stimming for a period of time or self talk. The important thing is they are allowed to fill up their tank because if your child is running on empty it’s more likely some unwanted behaviors are going to occur. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #11: Redirection

Redirection is a proactive behavior strategy. Use redirection when you can see your kid is getting frustrated or starting to struggle and an unwanted behavior is soon to follow. 

Redirection can be something as simple as asking them to come help you with something, giving them a hug, suggesting another activity, or jumping in and playing with them.

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #12: Respond But Don’t React

As we learned in the first post in the behavior series, children with Down Syndrome find big reactions very rewarding. Doesn’t matter if they are negative or positive. 

In his book, Dr. Stein tells us when we give a big response to a child with Down Syndrome it’s like they won the jackpot if they were playing a slot machine. Our big reactions are very rewarding even if it’s a negative reaction and because of this the unwanted behavior will continue. 

Dr. Stein recommends the respond but don’t react tactic when dealing with elopement which I went over in the second  post in the behavior series.  I also used the respond but don’t react method when Max would throw things. 

When Max was little he LOVED to throw his sippy cup while sitting in his high chair. I found it quite annoying but then decided to employ the respond but don’t react method. 

When Max would throw his sippy cup I would calmly pick it up, set it on the counter, and go about whatever it was I was doing. Max didn’t find this nearly as fun as he did when I would show my annoyance at this behavior and set it back on his highchair. By not reacting I totally took the fun out of it and he realized he actually wanted to drink from his sippy cup!

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #13: Take A Break/Time Out

The use of time outs can be a bit controversial. We did use them under the guidance of our behavior specialist. I like to call them taking a break rather than time out. I would tell Max or my other two it was time to take a break until they had a calm body and calm mind. 

I do recommend this behavior strategy be used sparingly and when your child is older. It's important the child understands why they’re told to take a break. 

Many experts don’t recommend using time out/take a break until the child is between 2-3 years old but again, depending on your child it may not be appropriate until they’re a bit older. This behavior strategy is good to use until your child is around 8 years old. Again, it will depend on your child and where they are developmentally. 

You want to make sure the area where your child is taking a break is SUPER boring. It should be a place where there are no toys and no television or other electronics they can watch. 

Do not interact with your child when they are taking a break. When you are implementing this behavior strategy you want to be super calm and not reactive. Remember, our kids love big emotional reactions. So, as you are putting them in time out/break you want to be channeling your inner zen master. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #14: Take Away Privileges

This is another behavior strategy to use when your child is older and can understand why something is being taken away. Once again, it’s a behavior strategy to be used sparingly. 

It’s important for every family to have clear rules everyone understands. As I’ve said before I would write our rules on a chalkboard for everyone to see and we would go over the rules regularly so everyone knew what was expected.

Physical aggression is not tolerated in our home. For the most part it does not happen but every now and again things get heated between siblings and someone will hit someone else. That is an immediate loss of electronic devices for the rest of the day. Depending on the context it could be longer. 

When taking something away you want it to be something that is going to be missed. If I took away the radio or vegetables for the rest of the day my kids would be like “Ok.” It would have no impact on them. 

I also do not take away their sports activities such as soccer practice for most behaviors. I feel sports and other extracurricular activities such as drama club are a constructive outlet. Some of you may agree with me on this and some of you may not.

As with anything in life Mama Bear you know your family best and what is best for your family so you have to decide what is right for you. 

Behavior Hack For Your Child With Down Syndrome #15: Name It To Tame It

In order to help our children manage their big emotions that often lead to unwanted behaviors we have to TALK about feelings. Help your child name and understand what they’re feeling as well as find healthy and constructive ways to manage those feelings. 

This is hard stuff.

Quite honestly a lot of adults have trouble understanding what they’re feeling and how it impacts them! If this is ringing true for you then check out Brene Brown. 

I love all of Brene’s books but in Atlas of the Heart she literally writes about emotions, their meaning, and how they impact our lives. Improving your own emotional intelligence will help you help your child. 

Normalize talking about feelings in your household including the negative feelings. There are children’s books you can read together as well as tons of YouTube videos and cartoons such as Daniel Tiger. 

So there you have it Mama Bear! 

My 15 best behavior hacks for your child with Down Syndrome. 

Now Mama Bear, remember you know your family best. What works for one family will not work for everyone. The great thing is you are the boss of your life and you get to decide! 

I truly hope you found the 3 part blog series on behavior and kids with Down Syndrome helpful. Even though these posts focused on Down Syndrome a lot of these strategies can be used with any child. 

If you enjoyed this blog post then check out the first two…

6 Brain Differences In People With Down Syndrome And How It Impacts Behavior 

7 Common Behavior Issues In People With Down Syndrome And How To Manage Them

You’ll also want to check out…

Positive Parenting Solutions For The Special Needs Mom

How To Deal With Temper Tantrums: A Guide For The Special Needs Mom

As always Mama Bears thanks for being on this journey with me.

Let’s rock this special life! 

Dandelion Take-away: Behavior Hack #1 Maintain your relationship Behavior Hack #2 Reward Good Behavior  Prepare Your Child  Keep a routine Be consistent Give your child a voice Give your child autonomy Pick your battles Meet sensory needs Build in down time Redirection Respond but don’t react Take a break  Loss of privileges Name it to tame it

Mama Bear Share: Which behavior strategy do you think you will use the most?