Mama Bear, Quit Apologizing
Mama Bear, quit apologizing.
Quit apologizing for your child with special needs. Yep, that’s right.
Stop. Right. Now.
No more apologizing to staff at school, to the bus driver, to the neighbors, to other family members, strangers on the street, and anyone else you find yourself uttering the phrase “I’m sorry” to in reference to your child with special needs.
Unless of course they really do deserve an apology, but I bet the majority of the time they don’t.
You are doing the best you can and so is your child with special needs.
Be you.
Be proud.
Be proud of your family.
Be proud of your child with special needs.
Be proud of how far they’ve come and remember how far they’ve come because the journey wasn’t easy.
You’ve had a ringside seat to all of their struggles and triumphs. You’ve been the one to pick them up and hug them when they’ve fallen. You’ve been the one to cheer them on when they’ve become discouraged.
You’ve been there through it all and you remember.
The strangers in the store and the family members you see once or twice a year they don’t. They have no clue how far your child has come so quit apologizing.
You see, I found myself apologizing A LOT.
I would apologize when Max went up and started talking to someone. In most cases, they had NO idea what in the world he was saying because he’s not easy to understand. I would intercept, apologize, maybe make some small talk, and then we’d move on. I’d apologize if Max took longer to navigate stairs in a public place or to open a heavy door.
It became a habit. A bad habit.
One day we were at the playground and Max was enjoying the playground just like all the other children. Unlike the other parents who were lounging on benches or standing on the periphery socializing, reading a book, or just enjoying a few precious minutes of peace, I was following Max around like a groupie.
Yeah, I was totally channeling the helicopter parent.
I was hovering and constantly apologizing. I apologized when he sat at the top of the slide for a minute too long. I apologized when he moved slowly on the playground stairs. I apologized when he accidentally kicked up some stones as he ran by a Mom sitting on the bench.
I was a hot, sweaty mess. Both literally and figuratively.
And then I witnessed a kid throw stones and nothing happened. I watched another kid sit at the top of the slide making kids behind him wait, and I observed yet another kid push someone out of their way. They were exhibiting what we would call “non-preferred” behaviors and guess what?
Their Moms were not apologizing for them.
Nope.
They were reading their books, scrolling on their phones, and enjoying each other’s company.
That day it hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t know why it didn’t before.
I was apologizing to three year olds for Max as I was observing other, presumably typical children exhibit behaviors that were, in my opinion, much worse than what Max was doing.
Their parents were not apologizing.
I took a long hard look at myself and how I interacted with others in regards to Max. I realized I was apologizing A LOT for Max to A LOT of people (including three year olds on the playground).
Why?
To make them feel more comfortable? To make myself feel more comfortable? Because he is different from the norm?
What message am I sending to others when I do this? That I am embarrassed or ashamed of Max? Am I setting him up to be viewed as different and even more apart? Is constantly apologizing helpful to Max or myself?
No, it’s not.
In fact, I came to the conclusion that in most circumstances it’s the opposite.
Max is wonderfully made. He has quirks, but we all do. He’s not perfect, but who is?
Deal with it world.
Diversity is beautiful and important. Society needs people like Max. Society needs to learn how to adjust and include those who are differently abled. We need to learn to be kinder, more understanding, more compassionate. We would all be better for it.
Now, I am not saying I should allow Max to be rude, disrespectful, or hurtful. I am simply saying I should allow him to be him. A kid with a disability, and not feel like I have to constantly apologize for it. Because he has come a long way and I remember. I remember how hard he’s worked to get where he is.
It’s time to quit apologizing and start celebrating.
Mama Bears I hope you found this post helpful. If you did enjoy this post then consider checking out…
6 Brain Differences In Your Child With Down Syndrome And How It Impacts Behavior
7 Common Behavior Issues In Children With Down Syndrome And Tips To Manage Them
15 Best Behavior Hacks For Your Child With Down Syndrome
Let’s rock this special life!
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