Elopement And Down Syndrome
Elopement, bolting, wandering, running off…whatever you call it, it's something that strikes fear in the heart of a special needs Mom. It’s one of our worst nightmares right?
Hey Mama Bears, full disclosure here. There are affiliate links in this post so if you click on the link and buy the product I will earn a small commission. Now that we’re clear on that let’s get back to rocking life with special needs!
I can completely relate to the Mom laying in bed when she’s supposed to be fast asleep imagining all of the terrible things that could happen because her child elopes.
I know because two of my kids have done it. Max bolted in a busy parking lot and Luke wandered off from our home. I will never forget the terror I felt in those moments.
My heart goes out to all the Mama Bears who deal with elopement on a regular basis because that kind of terror is next level. No joke.
Elopement Behavior In Children With Down Syndrome
Unfortunately, elopement is a common behavior issue in our children with Down Syndrome and how we typically respond to it can actually reinforce the behavior.
You may be wondering how your very negative response to your child bolting in the parking lot may be reinforcing the behavior right?
I mean most of us are clearly upset, screaming our child’s name, and telling them “NO!”
Let me explain.
Now, if you’ve been following Twenty One Dandelions for awhile you know I LOVE the book Supporting Positive Behavior in Children and Teens with Down Syndrome by Dr. David Stein. If you have not already read this book then do yourself a favor and read it. So helpful!
Anyway, as Dr. Stein tells us, our children with Down Syndrome are not great auditory processors. When we tell them something it takes them longer to process and understand what we’re saying AND many of our kids have some degree of hearing loss anyway which makes it even harder.
So when we’ve finally caught up to our kid after they’ve bolted and are lecturing them on why that was such a bad choice and why they shouldn’t do it again, most likely our children are not processing what we’re saying.
Remember Charlie Brown’s teacher? When she talks in class all Charlie Brown hears is “WahWahWah” In this scenario you’re the teacher.
What we do know is our kids are very visual. They are great visual learners and love when something is visually stimulating. Think about how you look when your child has bolted. Most of us are VERY animated. Even though we may be saying “No” and we’re giving our child a negative reaction, our response is visual candy to our child. I don’t know about you but I like candy. Most of us do.
So our natural response to our child running off is very rewarding to them even if it’s a negative response. Indeed, a lot of parents and caregivers will say their child thinks it’s a fun game as they are often running, laughing, and looking back.
A parent’s nightmare version of tag.
We also know our children with Down Syndrome don’t have great impulse control so maybe they’re super excited to FINALLY be leaving the grocery store and can’t wait to get home so they bolt for the car.
Or maybe they see something of interest in the neighbor’s yard across the street. Maybe they're bored and just want to see Mommy super animated again as she runs after them.
How To Respond When Your Child Elopes
Now remember Mama Bear, your family and your child with special needs are unique. Some of these things may work and some may not. You are the expert on your child and your family so take away what will work for you and don’t worry about the rest!
When your child elopes you need to respond but don’t react.
Obviously you need to respond. This is an unsafe behavior that you can’t ignore. That being said when you respond you need to be very calm and not give a theatrical reaction.
Remember, you want to be visually BORING.
I know this is going to be super hard Mama Bears but you can do it. The first time your child elopes you may not completely nail it but try your hardest and remind yourself why you need to stay calm and visually boring. I know it goes against your natural instincts in such a high stress situation but remember the end game.
Yelling and being really animated is counterproductive.
So when your child runs off, respond by catching up with them but avoid eye contact, use a neutral tone and say something simple like “No running away.” Keep your facial expression neutral and show no emotions (you can break down at a later time when your kid isn’t around). If this response without a reaction isn’t enough then have your child “take a break” after they’ve bolted.
Preventing Elopement/Bolting/Running Off/Wandering
Ideally we never want to have to respond to our kid eloping because in our ideal situation they never would do such a thing. Mama Bear, I truly hope you never have to experience your child bolting. I really do.
Prevention is key and there are things we can do to decrease the likelihood that our kid is going to bolt.
Preventing Elopement Tip #1: Teach Your Child To Hold Hands When Walking With You
Teach your child to hold your hand when you’re walking. Whether it’s on a sidewalk, in a parking lot, or at a store, teach your child to hold your hand. If your hands are full because you're pushing a stroller or a cart and can’t hold their hand, teach them to have a hand on your purse which should be on your arm or body.
Create a visual of your expectations for your child when you leave your home. Holding your hand should be one of the expectations. Review the visual before you go out with your child EVERY TIME. If your child is a serial eloper I would keep the expectations low so maybe the ONLY expectation would be to hold your hand.
Preventing Elopement Tip #2: Use A Token/Reward Board
Don’t forget the token/reward board when going out!
Learn the ins and outs of the reward board by reading Why And How To Use A Reward Board With Your Child With Down Syndrome.
Review your expectations for your child’s behavior whenever you leave the house and bring the token board along to reward the good behavior.
There are different ways to do this.
For example, if you’re going to the store with your child and they're known for running away from you in the parking lot as soon as you get them out of the car but they love to watch The Wiggles on YouTube here’s what you can do…
Review your expectations with your child of holding your hand in the parking lot and not running away. Show them the reward board (I would use a one token reward board for this) and tell them they’re working for watching one Wiggles video on your phone as soon as you get into the store if they follow the rules. If your child holds your hand and doesn’t run away as soon as they get into the store, give them the token and allow them to watch the video.
Now Mama Bears, if your child doesn’t follow the rules they do not get the token therefore they do not get the reward.
Another option would be to use a token board where they have to earn 3 tokens in order to get the reward such as a small bag of goldfish. Again you would want to review the expectations ideally using a visual, show the reward board, and decide on the reward. If your child holds your hand in the parking lot, immediately give them a token as soon as you get in the store along with a lot of verbal praise. As you are shopping, if your child is meeting expectations give them another token along with a lot of verbal praise, and if they continue to follow the rules as you walk from the store back to your car give them their final token along with a lot of verbal praise and their reward.
Preventing Elopement Tip #3: Use A Social Story
Create a social story for your child about getting out of the car, walking into the store holding Mommy or Daddy’s hand, staying with Mommy and Daddy while they shop (maybe even give them a shopping list they can check things off as you get them), and then walking back to the car holding Mommy or Daddy’s hand. If you can take pictures of your child doing these things to create the social story that would be awesome. If not then create one using other photos.
Preventing Elopement Tip #4: Put A Stop Sign On Your Doors Or Windows
Put a stop sign on your front door at eye level for your child as a visual reminder that they should not leave the house without you. Do this with any door or window they may use to elope. I love this stop sign because you can customize it to say something like Stop Max or Stop Is Mom Or Dad With You?
Preventing Elopement Tip #5: Put Locks On Your Doors Only Adults Can Reach
Put a lock up high on a door where your child can’t reach it. When home, lock all the doors. Several families have recommended this type of lock because it’s more complicated than a simple deadbolt. Often our kids struggle with fine motor skills so this lock would prove difficult for most.
because it’s more complicated than a simple deadbolt. Often our kids struggle with fine motor skills so this lock would prove difficult for most.
Preventing Elopement Tip #6: Use Door And Window Alarms Or A Home Security System
Put alarms on all your windows and doors to alert you when your child may elope. Some families buy alarm systems. Other families buy door and window alarms that will go off when a door or window is opened. There are alarms that will chime when a door/window is open to alert you as well as those that will make an alarm sound which is more likely to get your attention.
Preventing Elopement Tip #7: Use A Stroller
Putting your child in a stroller is an effective way to prevent them from running off assuming they’re buckled in. Of course as your child grows it can be difficult to continue to use this strategy as it’s harder to find a stroller that accommodates larger sizes.
Preventing Elopement Tip #8: Use A Retractable Driveway Guard
This is a great visual reminder for kids when they’re playing outside. We never used anything like this when Max was younger because we just were not aware something like this existed! I’m sharing it with all of the Mama Bears though because I think this would be fabulous for those Mama Bears who live in a subdivision and kids often play in the front yard and driveway.
Preventing Elopement Tip #9: Use a GPS Tracker
This doesn’t really count as a prevention technique for elopement but if your child does elope you’ll be happy you thought of it!
AngelSense is a GPS tracker for kids. It’s a monthly subscription and I’ve seen where many families highly recommend it. If your child elopes a lot this may be something you’ll want to invest in.
The Jiobit smart tag is also one I see talked about a lot among families of children with special needs. It too has a monthly subscription.
If your child will wear a watch you can use the Verizon Gizmo Watch.
Project LifeSaver International is also recommended by many families who deal with elopement. Your sheriff’s department may be able to help you get set up with this. The nice thing about Project LifeSaver is that it does not rely on GPS but radio frequency so it may be a better fit for those who live in remote areas.
Preventing Elopement Tip #10: Meet Your Neighbors And Visit Your Local Police
If you don’t already know your neighbors go over and say hi! Talk to them about your child with special needs and how they may elope. Give your neighbor your phone number to text or call you if they see your child in their yard or around the neighborhood without an adult. Visit your local police station as well so they are familiar with your child and aware of a potential elopement. They may have some tips to give you too!
There you have it Mama Bears! How to respond when your child elopes and ideas to prevent elopement.
I really hope this post helps you rock this special life!
If you found this post helpful then check out…
6 Brain Differences In Your Child With Down Syndrome And How It Impacts Behavior
7 Common Behavior Issues In Children With Down Syndrome And Tips To Manage Them
15 Best Behavior Hacks For Your Child With Down Syndrome.
Dandelion Tribe Takeaway: Tips to prevent elopement. Tip #1 Teach your child to hold hands Tip #2 Use a token/reward board Tip #3 Use a social story Tip #4 Put a STOP sign on your doors or windows Tip #5 Put locks on doors only adults can reach Tip #6 Use window/door alarms or a home security system Tip #7 Use a stroller Tip #8 Use a retractable driveway guard Tip #9 Use a GPS tracker Tip #10 Meet your neighbors and visit your local police
Mama Bear Share: What have you found helpful to prevent elopement?
